LedKitty

Think of everything you would like in a person. Think of everything you could desire in a person. If you met someone who embodied a great many of these, how easily could you ignore your attraction to such a person? How crushed would you be to discover you are the opposite of everything they desire in a person? Imagine the very existance of your affection for said person was a source of distress to this person... How would that affect you? How could you survive that? How could you forget this person, delete them from your mind.. from your heart? How could you settle for anyone who embodied far less of the things you seek without thinkin

This ball of earth and rock and water and fire has more than circled our star. Why does it still hurt? Why does my heart keep beating? I want it to stop. I want the pain to stop. I want to transcend this hell of needing physical affection and physical love of needing to connect with the one that feels most right. People always said I should do something for me, I should be more self centred and do something for me for a change. I have done this, I have given me physical form. But is seems to be completely irrelevant. I could be no more than thought and energy and emotion, like a flash of lightning. Just a retinal after image. I could be a br

- Invisible - Unattractive - Inadequate That's what little Kitties are made of. That is how you make me feel, oh vile blood pumping thing. Thou art a fool or the cruelest of villains, dashing my heart upon the rocks of unwelcoming shores. No demand for the bounty I bear in the lands I yearn for. The cargo rots in the hold. Tranquility, hope and joy like distant mirages on sand. Curse you villain. This whoa stains your hands...

I feel like a monster sometimes. I get home at the end of the night, my eyes stinging, the back of my scalp begging for mercy. I take off everything that makes me feel and look like ME. The world sees me now, but I look in the mirror at the end of the night and I don't see myself and I wonder if there's any hope for me at all. She'd prefer the monster if it were me. But it's not. It's something else my soul can't live in without the artifice required to fill in the blanks and complete the waking dream. She'd love the monster if my soul could live in it without such discomfort and dysphoria because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to h

I know what I must do. I know what my lesson is. Despite the fact that I have succeeded at many impossible things, that I have built myself, essentially the impossible girl, I must abandon my belief that nothing is impossible. Sometimes the only thing that can save us is to abandon impossible things. Unrealizable dreams are the quagmire of the soul. This dreamer will try and stick to cold reality from now on. To believe that dreams can be made reality without a method to do so or some reality to stand on is a fool's game. Like the dream of heavier than air travel before material technology made it possible. I know now that my heart was wro

People keep telling me lately how much they're going to miss the old me. How they want to have goodbye ceremonies for something I'd be happy to quietly toss in the dumpster. They knew me through the filter of my disguise. A disguise built of bitterness, frustration and regret. I made it so well people befriended this thing, loved this thing, and worse still fell in love with this thing, even after they knew how much of a construct it was. Perhaps they still could not believe it wasn't real. Why after all these decades of selflessness must THIS be what I need for myself? To slam the door on those possibilities just because for almost all of my

If only my heart were a brain. Or if only it had brains. Either would do the trick. If it did, it would compute, pare down, it would focus itself only on the small subset of suitable options. Instead, I simply fall for those who attract me, whose strengths inspire me, whose faults endear me, whose mere smiles lift my spirits and make my heart beat all funny, my tummy get all warm, unable to not reflect their smiles, whose sweet voices calm me, reassure me and make me stronger than I thought I could be, whose mere existence makes my world a better place just by being in it.  I would move planets and stars for them... No matter how unsuitable

Once a dalek... I try and crawl back under the shattered fragments of my shell. It doesn't keep the rain out. It spatters and faintly stings my flesh. It falls on me, a mild annoyance, but this is not what crushes. I thought I could burst out, be me. Free of this armour... this weapon.. this prison. I saw myself standing proud in the sun, appendages raised skyward, to be seen and heard. To feel the sunlight on my skin, the warmth of even casual human touch... But I am a squishy crab/squid thing. Even standing on my tippy-tendrils, I'm no more than two feet tall at best. I wasn't meant to be like this. But the shell was the only way to su